Christian Answers

Christian Answers is a big bucket of both the funny and enraging rolled up into one, that is often glossed over in the search for bigger fish such as God Hates Fags, but really, why bother mocking people like that when they're doing such a great job of looking stupid all on their own? People with some slightly more visible - although weak - links to reality are much more entertaining. For example, see above. The question on the Trinity is a perfectly valid theological debate topic, but it's surrounded by a disapproving man with sideburns observing a monkey screaming at a pumpkin surrounded by autumn leaves. Logic, ladies and gentlemen, has left the building.

Despite not being a screaming hole of bullshit, abuse and extremism, CA is the type of subversive, offensive and foul smelling database of misinformed, patronising and self righteous circle jerkery that makes me want to stuff my thumbs into my eyes and vomit simultaneously. It is essentially a database of questions starting "Is it wrong to..." and answers starting "Yes" (except, bizarrely, Oral sex. Suck as much dick as you like, Jesus is cool with it).

Now I'm not Christian, I'm as athiest as you can get without going on a killing spree whilst taking regular shits on religious iconography as you pass by. Religion has a lot in common with your run of the mill hallucinogen - it's nice as long as you're on it, and some very pretty art work gets produced, but unless you read the small print you won't be prepared for the killer side effects (such as the Crusades, 9/11 and Tom Cruise) which aren't half as much fun. Then there's the hangover, where your head throbs and you wonder what the hell you thought you were doing last night. That's atheism. Even so, I can look back on my days in the sunny old church and think, you know, I wasn't batshit. I read the bible and came up with some smart ideas.
I suppose my lack of judgmental angry ramblings is what dragged me out of the church - and into the real world, where I suddenly got very good at them.

Anyway, back to the idiots of the day. Christian Answers.

Lets start with their page on spanking. How young is it ok to beat your children into submission? The answer is apparently 18 months. 18 months? Now, in case you didn't guess, I don't love children all that much. But at the same time, I used to be one, and I am very much against spanking. Spanking the parents if they don't control their child in public? Fuck, yes, let me do it please. Now I've not spent much time with young children but I'm pretty sure at 18 months you're not much more than a baby, right?

I think age two is about as early as I would ever like to start with a swat on the child's popo or bumbum.

On the what (I wasn't exaggerating about the 18 months thing, check out Randy's interview answers)? Bumbum is fairly obvious but what the fricking Christ is a popo? If you're recommending that adults physically discipline their children, maybe you should recommend they use adult words for it? Otherwise it's no different from a kiddiefight on the playground.

Lets move on to homosexuality. Unsurprisingly, there's not much love for the gay scene on ChristianAnswers. Mocking this page seems a little like shooting fish in a barrel. When they're already dead, and the barrel is so full they're sliding down the sides onto the ground.

If you want more prepackaged morality, feel free to browse further. I'm onto the movie reviews. Apparently, Jesus shares my opinion on crappy Asian horror remakes:

Do not see this movie. I did not approve of it and neither does the Lord Jesus.

Of course, how Jesus made his taste in movies known to the review remains questionable. I'm voting for hallucinogenic drugs, or possibly large quantities of cheap vodka.

And as for the review of The Exorcist, well, it was always going to be a pit of lulz. But this quote is just, well, it's just amazing.

The film is not Christian. I'm actually less offended living in a homosexual district of San Diego and seeing men do stuff in the park while walking my dog than I am of this film.…

You here that guys? Men. Do stuff. In the park.

MEN DO STUFF IN THE PARK.

MEN DO STUFF IN THE PARK.

Breastfeeding

What better way to start my shiny new blog than the giant outrage orgy that required me to create the Mz X persona. Sometimes something makes you so angry you just have to say something, and sometimes that something you say could make all the people you've ever loved stop speaking to you for the near future. I've got nothing to be ashamed of, but people suck. I'd rather not make my life needlessly difficult.

It all started here. Well, actually, if we get picky, it started when I followed a link to a link to another link and then a few more links until I ended up in the middle of a drama llama highway. Hell, if you want to be really technical, it started on a WestJet flight where a weepy woman tried to breastfeed her baby.

I think, before I start digging my grave, I should explain the more technical diagnosis of my cause of social death. I'll happily admit to having no great love of children. In fact, with the exceptions of certain family members and the odd cutie I encounter at work, most children make me feel more pro-abortion than pro-choice.

However, I realise the world needs the little shits. Because one day they'll become less shitty and run the hospitals, dig the roads, build my house, grow my food and pay taxes. Also, I'm not purely selfish. If you want to breed, then breed. That's your choice. And I am also not against breastfeeding, in public or otherwise. It doesn't bother me, although quite frankly, it makes me sad to see what you women have done to your bodies. What really does bother me, is the inevitable influx of stupid that always comes with this type of glorious wank. The entitled, knee jerk reaction always brought on my the slightest criticism. The mommy = best thing in the world way of thinking. The 'its natural!' arguments. The same tired old defenses and attacks paraded up and down for everyone to see.

First, the original post and its comments.

'Her Bad Mother', the blogger who started it all (is anyone else curious as to her choice of display name? Is it a joke? Is she saying she is a bad mother? Is it just for the lulz?) was flying home after an emotional visit to a sick relative. This, to be perfectly honest (I don't enjoy the PC dance) is no excuse for being a whiny bitch, but I'm prepared for some understanding. The bebe starts to need feeding. It's possible it screamed for food, which, I'll admit, makes me want to shove a nipple in its face to keep it quiet. But lady, there are options. The WC, cover it with a jacket, wear a baggy top. Whatever. Whipping your nipples out will lead to...

Well, this. Flight attendant with blanket, enter stage right. I'll let you read that for yourself, links aren't for losers. Use your initiative. But for the link phobic crowd - the basics are that the flight attendant offered the Bad Mother a blanket and asked if she'd like to cover up. HBM ignored her and continued breast feeding. The flight attendant repeated her statement, probably assuming that she hadn't been heard. She offers to leave it with her, and puts it on the seat next to HBM. She then states that some women are happier nursing under a blanket. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say she was, at this point, trying to cover her ass after being given the cold shoulder and feeling a customer complaint coming on.

And guys, that's really it. That's where 3 blog posts as well as countless 'support' blog posts by others, and 157 comments (to date) on the original post alone.

What? Did I walk out and miss an important bit of the movie again. Did something else happen on the WestJet flight. Like encouragements to starve the damn brat, or perhaps a retroactive abortion suggestion? No, the endless drama really is purely about some woman being offered the use of a blanket.

"I didn't say anything. I had always though that if that happened to me, I would say something. That I would I would ask why she was pressing the blanket upon me, that I would ask if it was WestJet policy to 'suggest' to nursing mothers that they cover up, that I would say that if I was comfortable with blankets I would have one with me, that I would say that no nursing mother wants a stranger bent over her while she nurses, asking if she wouldn't rather cover up for privacy, that I would, if I had the nerve, ask are you serious? Are you really serious? Do you not see that I might be offended, be made more uncomfortable, by your hovering, by your suggestion that I cover up? To say, no nursing mother should ever be told to cover up. To say, it is my right, it is my child's right, to nurse and be nursed here, right here, right now, in the manner that best serves us both. To say, fuck your blanket."

I dunno about anyone else, but if this happened to me, I'd say "No thanks, I'm ok without, unless its causing a problem?" Then again, the whole contraception with abortion as backup plan thing probably means I'll never have to say that. But you know what I mean. I think this reaction would have been uncalled for, and the flight attendant would have probably shit. Good thing HBM was a weepy bundle of pussy, right?

I wish that I had the emotional strength, even, to express a measure of outrage that amounts to more than this heavy sighing, this defeated complaint.

No you don't. If you did, you would have faded into the obscurity of bitchy women with loose cunts getting their tits out. There's a lot of 'em about. Your tragic back story is what's bringing in the crowd's love - you're a fucking sob spectacle.

The comments have to be read to be believed, but they're all essentially the same. Either virtual hugs, support and ass kissing, or self righteous rage. The rage falls into one of three catagories:

"Its Natural!"

Just like shitting, fucking, flossing your teeth and picking your nose. We all do them, just not while riding public transport.

"Disgusting sluts tits and cleavage and asscrack oh my!"

Yes, defending your right to get your tit out to feed your young by attacking girls who still have nice bodies showing a little flesh is real logical and real classy.

"Lol they should just not look if it bothers them."

And you should just say no thanks to the blanket and shut the fuck up if we bother you.

Now this would have all died down nicely except that some clever motherfucker got hold of WestJet's customer service email and everyone started writing letters. No one got a response, so HBM posted a whine about it. Then everyone got a response, so she threw a shit fit. Including ridiculous dramatic statements like:

I want to feel empowered when I nurse...

Doesn't sound right next to all the "its natural, it's what all mothers should do" crap, does it? When did letting an infant suck on your engorged tit become empowering? I thought this was all about feeding a baby, not feminism. Heck, I'd like to be topless from time to time as well but I haven't shat out a kid recently so I guess its not one of my 'human rights'. Darn.

(Oh, and - CBC is on the story, and they're interested in talking to Toronto parents who wrote to WestJet on my behalf, or blogged this. If you're in the GTA and did either of those things, maybe identify yourself in the comments? Cool.)

What the fuck? Just, what the fuck. "Woman offered blanket, human rights violated". Now there's a hot media news story.

I only expect things to get worse in the absolute best way possible, so lets keep an eye on this one.